[ r e v e r b ] Dreams & Goals

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. – Harriet Tubman

What are your dreams for next year?

To follow my heart. Create. Write. Laugh. Live.

I hope to make more friends, and grow my relationships. I hope to write more and create more. I hope to be a better person than I was in 2011.

WHO WILL YOU ATTRACT IN YOUR LIFE?

I hope to attract Dreamers and Doers. People who can guide me along the way. People who inspire me to be the best person that I can be. People who will support my dreams just as much as I supported other people’s dreams.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO IN 2012?

I want to spread my wings more. Do something that scares me. Challenge myself. Grow. Maybe get hurt. Trust people more. To be always in awe…to be in wonder.

WHERE DO YOU HOPE TO BE IN JANUARY 01, 2013?

I hope to be in a place where I am happy with myself, surrounded by friends and family. I want to be in the place where I belong. To be in a place of fulfillment and yet a place where I can still challenge myself.

This is it! Thank you for reading!

[ r e v e r b ] Excavation Ahead

“People travel to wonder at the height of mountains,
at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rivers,
at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of
the stars; and they pass by themselves without wondering.”
St. Augustine

There are good things and bad things that I have discovered about myself. As much as I am always trying to be a better person, there are moments when in my anger or frustration I snap saying or doing things that I will regret.

I am not patient as I would like to be. And my capacity to understand and be tolerant has its limits. I could endure for a period of time but when I’ve reached my limit, my reactions tend to be ugly.

On the plus side I am thankful that I have opened up more to people. Having an almost nomadic lifestyle has made me a guarded person. Believing that all things are fleeting and moments never last, I didn’t see the need to cultivate friendships. This year I am more trusting and open to people. Even if this also means I am more vulnerable to getting hurt, I am not that scared anymore.

Discovering things about myself is like mining for precious stones – most days I get crap but there are days when I find a gem in my hands.

[ r e v e r b ] A Merry Christmas!

 

Happy Christmas everyone!

I hope the Fatty …erm,..Festive Season has brought great cheer (or in my case lots of pounds!) to everybody. There were a lot of things that I have been busy with that I couldn’t really continue blogging Reverb 2011.  But here I am trying to finish well.

WHO WAS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

Aside from my family, my different circle of friends have always been close to my heart. From my cellgroup family, my subzone chums and even ex-colleagues, also not to mention my fan girlfriends – occupy their respective (and revolving) space in my heart. But I think the person I cherished most of all this year was myself.

As someone who suffers from Wonder Woman Syndrome, the need to focus on meeting other people’s needs always takes a toll on me. I get burned out and sometimes resentful. This year was no different, but slowly I have learned to look for warning signs and to say “NO”. There were some hard truths I had to face, like I can’t always be there for everybody and that I am just one person. I think that this year I have learned more about boundaries I can cross and boundaries that are drawn for my own well-being.

WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO REMEMBER?

I hope to remember that I am a strong person. I hope to remember the kindness of others, and the opportunities that were opened to me. I hope to remember that I am strong and resilient. I hope to remember all the times that God has shown His love and mercy towards me. I hope to remember the times that I laughed and even the times that I cried – because of these experiences I grew into a better person.

WHERE DID YOU SPEND MONEY?

Cab fares – which is actually a testament of how busy I was. Cab fares aside, I spent most of my money for creative ventures. Like buying supplies and equipment. I am most proud of checking off items in my wishlist, I feel more of an adult.

That said, I also spent my money on presents and eating out. Building relationships is something that I am most concerned with, aside from the gift of time, I also like to share a meal with my friends or make something for them. For me, there’s nothing more fulfilling than being generous to others.

WHEN WERE YOU MOST SCARED?

I am bad at remembering negative stuff, so this question took me time to answer. The moment that I was most scared would be the time when I was renewing my Permanent Resident status, and the Immigration people asked me for extra documentation. This scared me because among my family members, I was the only they asked for extra documents. I didn’t want to lose my PR status or leave Singapore. My mind was restless for weeks, and I kept praying for something positive. Thankfully, it was renewed, although it may seem like nothing now, but I was seriously thinking of how I can remain in Singapore once my PR status is revoked!

WHAT QUESTIONS DID YOU ASK?

Questions about the direction my life is headed. Questioning my priorities. Questioning my previous decisions. I think I grappled with more questions about my future more than anything else. This year I didn’t manage to keep a regular journal so my thought processes were not really organized. There were moments when I just shut down the probing questions that I knew would reveal painful answers.

 

Have a Merry Christmas everyone!

[ r e v e r b ] Hello Stranger!

This is my second post for REVERB 2011.  As I said in the previous post, I am joining  Kaileen Elise’s REVERB 2011. I just want to tag along rather than host my own.

My first post probably gave you a case of the ZZZzzs and you would have been turned off by my lackluster writing, so if you’re still here to stick around, a million thanks to you!

This year was the year that I got around.

Aside from the Letter Box Project that has made me in contact with a lot of people from all over the world, I was constantly challenging myself to go out of my comfort zone.

Most of my close friends I have met through Church, I think suffice to say that 99% of my friends are either from my Church or were introduced to me by friends in my Church. This year has been no exception being involved in writing scripts for zone events and going for youth camps I met more young people, I feel the equivalent of a high school teacher. Somehow, I can still manage to relate with them – I think they think of me as the eccentric older sister.

My fangirl friends, they are the ones who bring a little “crazy” to my life. They probably won’t read this post because they are two busy career-driven hidden otakus but with them in my life I can have both intellectual and nonsensical identity crises conversations.

from SWF Facebook page

My foray into Singapore’s literary world finally happened when I signed up to volunteer for the Singapore Writers Festival 2011.The organizers were super helpful and really took care of us. In fact it was really cool that one of the organizers- Bev was the person I chatted up at a workshop a few months before. It was great seeing her again. The other volunteers were also cool to talk to and I was really surprised at how friendly everyone is. And  I actually managed to get a glimpse and interact with a few notable authors both local and foreign like Michael Chabon, Andrew Motion,Vikas Swarup, Ovidia Yu, Fredrik Haren, Troy Chin and others.

I was mistaken to think that I would never ever embarrass myself in a big way once I hit my 20s. Surely, I have accumulated enough embarrassing moments for not just one but a dozen lifetimes. But a fangirl is always a fangirl and whether it be a band or an author that I practically stalked EVERY SINGLE DAY during my uni days, when I met said author, I acted out of instinct. One of the most respected Filipino authors, F. Sionil Jose was one of the guests during the Singapore Writers Festival. I had already marked up my calendar to attend the panel where he was speaking and did not expect much. When I entered the Lee Ka Shing Library I was a bit early and imagine my excitement when I saw my idol sitting at one corner.

I don’t know what possessed me, but there I was in my frazzled and flip-flopped glory (I still bemoan my sartorial choice for that day) walked up to the living legend, struck out my hand and said, ” Hello Sir, I am a fan”. JUST. LIKE THAT. Looking back I wanted to die at how bold I was. Here was someone I could never be even if I was given a thousand years to try, here was the person I stalked almost every day for a year at the bookshop he owned in Manila just to get a glimpse of him. What came next was so surreal I still am in shock – he actually pulled up a chair and chatted with me. I was dumbfounded, and my heart was beating fast. If only my fellow stalker friends could see me now, chatting with my favourite author and his wife. I also got him to sign my book – the high that I felt was enough to last me a week.

This year was more about comfort zones and challenging myself to put myself out there and not hold back. I hope for the next year I will not just meet a lot of people but strike up great friendships as well.