Living Creatively Ever After
Photos from Malacca trip last October, which was the first time I ever set foot outside of Singapore in six years. I realise that I am not a big fan of travelling and staying at a place for a short while. I prefer extended stays and culture immersion.
This year has been amazing, it’s too bad I don’t even blog so much.
The second half of this year has begun. I am amazed at the changes that the last three years have brought in my life. Some are welcome changes while some just…happened.
Right now I am still finding my bearings -
I started studying part-time while juggling a full-time job.
I have my once a week Korean classes.
I still want to continue blogging and writing.
I want to meet my friends at least once a month
There are many things I have let go off. People I’ve gotten close to, roles that I am used to doing, responsibilities that I am used to fulfilling. It’s not with pain and tears that I have let them go. But at this season on my life, I have to prioritize – not that they weren’t important.
My goals may have changed. My direction may have altered. But my destination still remains the same. I am just taking a different route.
To be honest this past few months have been hard on me. I have been exploring and experimenting a lot. But it has left me even more confused. There are days when I just want to be left alone, to figure things out without the different voices that clamor for my attention.
When stripped to the bare minimum I realize two things. The first is that the previous two years were more on EXPERIENCING while this next season of my life is LEARNING.
Volunteering at Singapore Writers Festival and meeting F. Sionil Jose (one of my literary inspirations), being a photographer for press conferences and showcases, performing in a pub, writing a play for a youth camp, being an assistant team leader for another youth camp, there were so many things that I have experienced. Most recently I was able to watch one of my favourite Japanese rock bands – ONE OK ROCK perform here in Singapore. This was my first time standing with a few hundred people swaying our heads to the music, the songs catapulting us into a new dimension. I had aches and was sore all over but it was definitely one of the most impacting moments of my life.
Last year and the start of this year was full of things to experience – particularly feeding my interest in music (KOREAN AND JAPANESE) and musicals (WICKED, LION KING, BIBAP). But this will take a backseat because right now I feel that it’s time for me to dig deep in the well of knowledge.
As much as my time allows, I want to go on workshops and lessons. Right now I have to cut back on going for workshops since I already have a full plate with my part-time studies and Korean classes. I am a firm believer in improving oneself so I am striving towards getting the fullest experience in my education. Aside from that I made a list of things that I want to learn – both new and present skills that I want to improve on.
But this of course needs more time, so I am also learning how to manage my time effectively. Time management isn’t one of my strongest suits and in just a week I have fallen sick trying to cope with a full schedule.
Aside from this I want to learn how to strengthen my faith. I want to be a rock that won’t be shaken. I am human and there’s just not much I can do with my own strength.
But I will hold on to His promise, “My grace is enough; it’s all you need.My strength comes into its own in your weakness.”
A piece written during an emotionally tumultuous time. Somehow I feel weird posting stuff like this. I am known for having a bright and cheerful personality, but I am excellent at melancholic writing, a total Downer. I am a apprehensive for posting this since my blog looks quite cheery. I am a cheerful person, except that I really write sad stuff better.
I was reading past pieces I’ve written, it’s quite depressing. Like my Le Love piece last 2009, Like Death Without The Sleeping Part
The sound of a heart breaking isn’t poetic. It is hollow. It is tragic. It calls for rituals – the denial, the shock, the anger, the disappointment, culminating in hopelessness. Just like a shrinking white star slowly collapsing inwardly, with memory drawn from every breath a blow. It’s like death without the sleeping part.
I also read the comments that followed how beautiful and honest they thought it was. I really have no idea why I can project this “inner pain”, I have had my equal share of heartache and loss (as if heartache, loss, and other sad things are equally distributed) but most of the time I can shrug it off.
But in moments of silence, when I am not listening to a song or when my mind is not preoccupied with tasks these words and metaphors – beautiful but sad and haunting beg to be written.
They say that you can be an effective writer if you write what you know, part of me feels doubtful about this statement because if we go by what I have written so far my life must be something Dickens wrote.
I can’t refuse the Muse but I don’t want to make people sad. A friend of mine suggested that maybe my writing doesn’t need to inspire or entertain, maybe my writing can make a person feel that they are not alone, that someone has experienced what they are experiencing and that these emotions are normal. In a way I think she may have a point.
I will continue to write and maybe someday I will write something that brings warmth and happiness.
“But as I try and understand how life works – and why some people cope better than others with adversity – I come back to something to do with saying yes to life, which is love of life, however inadequate, and love for the self, however found.”
Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?
Major changes, paradigm shifts and 180-degree turns.
But they are happy changes. I just sometimes wish life would slow down a bit, to let me take it all in. I don’t want to wake up one day and find that it’s 2012. I wish I can hold moments a bit longer for me to appreciate them.
I guess it needs more a conscious effort for me.
pictures:IKEA // lyrics: Coldplay, Matchbox Twenty &John Mayer
After my post about Siobhan arriving I didn’t waste time and quickly took a few random pictures. Without an agenda I freely snapped here and there, and even tried the multi-exposure contraption.
A lot of the shots I took didn’t come out, we’re talking about almost half and with this I die a little inside. The lessons I’ve learned shooting with Siobhan: (1) Try not to take pictures from a long distance; (2) Don’t shoot pictures at night; and (3) Must study basic photography and acquire skills like composition.
So without further ado, here are the pictures from Siobhan’s first roll!
After almost two weeks of waiting I’m so happy to introduce my new toy! Everybody say hello to Siobhan! Yes, I do name my possessions, especially gadgets that I use!
A lot of people have inspired me to go analogue there’s Yoj and Nickiferous who have provided me with valuable tips and also wonderful inspiration. There’s dearest Kim and Raisa, two sweet and uber creatives who have so generously allowed me to borrow their baby analogues and play with it. So yes, the commitment phobe has taken the plunge.
It started out with Quincy (my Fuji Instax) and now I have Siobhan. I chose a Holga K-200NM because it seemed like a fun camera to have since I’m used to 35mm film as opposed to the 120 used by more popular Holga models. I’d rather have something that’s familiar and less of a hassle for me to learn to use.
What I liked? Aside from the cute hot red color and the oohs and aahs I get when I take it out of my bag, I liked that it already comes with fisheye lens and viewer and a few flash filters. There’s also a button dedicated to help you take photos with multi-exposure. Plus it’s a complete no-brainer , well I hope I’ve been doing it right!
I finished my first roll quite quickly though, in a span of two and a half days. Part of me is apprehensive that the pictures will suck and I wasted a perfectly good roll of film, but I’ve decided not to stress about it. So *fingers crossed* in a few days time I can share a few photos from Siobhan.
Before I go, here are a few of Flickr and Lomography K-200NM photos!
Last week I got to play with my Friend’s JuiceBox Camera! There are a couple of reasons why I chose to use a Juicebox camera as my first film camera to use after what is like a decade of not using film (my parents had given me a film camera) . First of all I don’t need to fiddle with a lot of buttons and controls which I am unbelievable bad at ( I am trying to fix this). Second is that being the butterfingered klutz that I am , there is absolutely zero chance of me getting the camera obliterated into a million pieces not unlike with let’s say a Yashica or those Russian film cameras. Third, this seemed like the most idiot-proof camera ever (something that I took back forty minutes into trying to remove the finished film out). I told myself that I will be very forgiving regardless of the outcome, even before I took my first shot. My previous bad experiences with film cameras … c’mon who am I kidding, all my previous experiences using film cameras were either bad or I really failed to get a decent picture, so I was preparing myself for world of disappointment.
I had the chance to use the camera last Tuesday during an office function at Resorts World Sentosa. I really forgot what brand of film I used but I do know that I went for an 800 ISO film because I read that due to the lack of flash /batteries the camera works well in natural light. I didn’t want to risk getting all dim pictures so I bought one with a higher ISO. Here are some of the shots from that day:
I kinda liked the way it turned out. I am not a shutterbug nor an enthusiastic photographer. Maybe this is just a passing fancy just an experiment in something I have never tried for a long time. But I know that one of these days I will be buying another fresh roll of film.
Have a happy week!
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