[ s h o t s ] Bleeding Words

A piece written during an emotionally tumultuous time. Somehow I feel weird posting stuff like this.  I am known for having a  bright and cheerful personality, but I am excellent at melancholic writing, a total Downer. I am a apprehensive for posting this since my blog looks quite cheery. I am a cheerful person, except that I really write sad stuff better.

I was reading past pieces I’ve written, it’s quite depressing. Like my Le Love piece last 2009, Like Death Without The Sleeping Part

The sound of a heart breaking isn’t poetic. It is hollow. It is tragic. It calls for rituals – the denial, the shock, the anger, the disappointment, culminating in hopelessness. Just like a shrinking white star slowly collapsing inwardly, with memory drawn from every breath a blow. It’s like death without the sleeping part.

I also read the comments that followed how beautiful and honest they thought it was. I really have no idea why I can project this “inner pain”, I have had my equal share of heartache and loss (as if heartache, loss, and other sad things are equally distributed) but most of the time I can shrug it off.

But in moments of silence, when I am not listening to a song or when my mind is not preoccupied with tasks these words and metaphors – beautiful but sad and haunting beg to be written.

They say that you can be an effective writer if you write what you know, part of me feels doubtful about this statement because if we go by what I have written so far my life must be something Dickens wrote.

I can’t refuse the Muse but I don’t want to make people sad. A friend of mine suggested that maybe my writing doesn’t need to inspire or entertain, maybe  my writing can make a person feel that they are not alone, that someone has experienced what they are experiencing and that these emotions are normal. In a way I think she may have a point.

I will continue to write and maybe someday I will write something that brings warmth and happiness.

[ p l a n s ] Learning Korean

Continuing my series of posts on my mid-year goals, this is the second post.

안녕하세요!

저는 엘이에요. 만나서 반가워요.

This is how I would usually introduce myself when asked by friends or family members to speak Korean. I have been learning Korean for almost three months now, and the more I learn the less I know.

It has always been one of my goals to speak another language apart from English and Tagalog, it was just a matter of WHAT language I should study.

My love for Korean dramas and the lack of available English subtitles forced me to choose to learn Korean. Although subtitles are crucial to any non-Korean fan, I feel that reading subtitles actually hinders me from appreciating the drama because I can fail to detect the nuances of the story or character because my eyes are too busy reading the words at the bottom of the screen.

I admit that at first I was daunted by the task of learning a new language since it has been almost a decade that I have been in a classroom environment. But as I continue to attend lessons and meet like-minded people I become more motivated to learn a little bit more each day.

I can now make basic sentences but I am still far from my NO SUBS goal. I also want to read Korean literature and of course finally understand what my favorite artistes are saying on twitter without having to rely on the shady Google Translate.

There are times when I understand a phrase from a song that I’m listening to and my heart will just swell with pride because I know what those three or four words meant.

Aside from learning the language, I get to learn more about Korean culture, food and of course converse with Koreans. Thankful for the Internet and app developers for making my Korean language learning fun. I am also thankful for my 선생님 (teacher) because she has really made herself available to help me and talk to me. I am the type of person who needs to have a good relationship with my teacher so that I can learn more.

I have just started stage two of the elementary level and my drive and thirst to learn has not waned, in fact the will to learn has grown. I don’t know where this learning journey will take me, but as with everything I do – I will do my best!

 

[ c r a f t e d ] My First Embroidered Pouch

A  few weeks ago – or was it a month ago, Books Actually hosted a Sashiko Embroidered Pouch Workshop conducted by one of my crafty inspirations – the lovely Sandy of The Cookie Cutter Blog  (she blogged about the workshop here).

I am really taking advantage of whatever free time I have left to join workshops and create something. So this workshop came at a very good time. Plus I have always wondered how one sews a zipper by hand!

It’s no secret that I like polka dots and although I am not a fan of pink I was going for a “pretty” feel. I was very satisfied with my choices!

Everything coming along nicely, and yes a piece of chocolate for break. My eyes hurt a bit and my hand cramped halfway through sewing, I guess it’s because I don’t really have much sewing practice.

Sandy teaching us how it’s done. I love that as a small group she was able to focus on us especially when we were having difficulty with some parts of the process. She also engaged everyone in conversation and the overall atmosphere was fun and friendly.

I didn’t finish the whole pouch during the workshop, so I had time to work on it at home. Sashiko embroidery is interesting and though my skills are rudimentary I want to try my hand at it again – when I find the time. Overall, it was a great experience for me – to meet like-minded people and learn new things.

Thanks to Sandy and the people at Books Actually!

[ p l a n s ] Make Some Pretty

Yes, another blog post! I know that this is rare for me! Hoping to get my blogging groove back on, even my tumblr is dead and quiet.

So much has happened in the recent months and honestly I was too tired to blog or too preoccupied with other things to blog again. But this time around, I hope to stick to blogging more.

This year is flying by so fast! We’re already halfway through 2012 – I can hardly believe it.

It made me think of what my Mid-Year Resolutions are. In a span of six months my goals and challenges have changed in a very BIG way. I still think I am in a place of re-calibrating everything and finding my footing.

Reflecting on things that matter to me and doing what I love. There’s this struggle, that somehow I am not free to do the things I love to do best. Nothing was holding me back except myself. I knew it, I felt it and I knew I had to do something about it but I didn’t know how to defeat this attitude.

I stressed on why I couldn’t seem to do what I want to do.

But I have decided from today that this is not going to be the case. So I wrote down the things that I want to continue doing for the next six months.

MAKE PRETTY STUFF.

My room is brimming to the full with papers waiting to be made into a book or a collage or a card. Fabrics that needed to be embroidered or sewn into a pouch or a purse. Brushes and paints that are about to dry up. Frames that needed color.Yarn to be crocheted.

I miss the feeling of satisfaction while embroidering or the sense of achievement when finishing a book.

So far my output is one pretty handmade item for every two months. I want to at least create one a month. I have projects all lined up and materials at the ready.

I just need to do it.

[ q u o t e d ] Saying Yes

“But as I try and understand how life works – and why some people cope better than others with adversity – I come back to something to do with saying yes to life, which is love of life, however inadequate, and love for the self, however found.”

Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?