[ r e v e r b ] Dreams & Goals

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. – Harriet Tubman

What are your dreams for next year?

To follow my heart. Create. Write. Laugh. Live.

I hope to make more friends, and grow my relationships. I hope to write more and create more. I hope to be a better person than I was in 2011.

WHO WILL YOU ATTRACT IN YOUR LIFE?

I hope to attract Dreamers and Doers. People who can guide me along the way. People who inspire me to be the best person that I can be. People who will support my dreams just as much as I supported other people’s dreams.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO IN 2012?

I want to spread my wings more. Do something that scares me. Challenge myself. Grow. Maybe get hurt. Trust people more. To be always in awe…to be in wonder.

WHERE DO YOU HOPE TO BE IN JANUARY 01, 2013?

I hope to be in a place where I am happy with myself, surrounded by friends and family. I want to be in the place where I belong. To be in a place of fulfillment and yet a place where I can still challenge myself.

This is it! Thank you for reading!

[ r e v e r b ] Those Sweeping Flashbacks

WHAT WERE YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS?

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A mix of old and new. I listened to a lot of 90s English songs, and a bit of clubbing songs. My interest in Jpop/Jrock has waned and with my attachment to an epic historical mainland drama (what a mouthful!), there is an equal number of Mandarin and Japanese songs. My favourite Korean groups and singers have been busy this year so there’s still quite a number of Korean songs on my list.

ENGLISH/FRENCH:

I Believe in You ( Il Divo feat Celine Dion), I Got You (Leona Lewis), The Call & Better (Regina Spektor), Brave (Idina Menzel), Crawling (Superchick), Cannonball (Vienna Teng), A Drop in the Ocean (Ron Pope), Sympathique (Pink Martini), Concrete Angel (Martina McBride), Merry Happy (Kate Nash), Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen (Baz Luhrmann),If I Fell In Love  & Hey Jude (Beatles),Hello Alone (Anberlin), Singing Over Me (Kari Jobe), Only Exception (Paramore), Grenade & Count on Me (Bruno Mars), What Makes You Beautiful (One Direction).

The One Direction song is the most memorable because it is attached to a lot of happy memories for me for 2011:

KOREAN/MANDARIN/JAPANESE:

International Love Song (The Black Skirts), Airbag (Tablo), Strong (Park Kyung feat PO), Still Fly (ZICO), Tell Them (Block B), Tonight & Love Song & Stupid Liar (Big Bang), I Am the Best & Lonely (2NE1), Can You Hear My Heart (Infinite), A Goose’s Dream (Hyorin), 君がいるから (AYAKA),Cherish (NEWS), Hello (YUI), 一念執著 (胡歌 & 阿兰·达瓦卓玛), 三寸天堂 ( 严艺丹), 我們都傻 (楊丞琳). 

And since my love for 步步惊心 trumps all other Asian dramas I watched  this year, I can’t believe I’m actually sharing a video of 一念執著 (A Persistent Thought).

WHO DID YOU MISS?

University of the Philippines-Manila, BS Occupational Therapy Block 20 (2006)

More than ever I miss my friends from university – somehow they managed to get me and accept me. And it’s not just the nostalgia talking. I missed them so bad the first year that I came to Singapore, after that it waned and this year I found myself missing them even more. No culture gap or generation gap or even wavelength gap, we were all sorts of crazy but managed to meld together into a cohesive group. They are a super intelligent yet super fun bunch of people.

I miss aimlessly walking along Roxas Boulevard talking the night away. The food trips, the out of town trips -  I miss mainly the conversations I’ve had with them. I miss them so much my heart aches. I want to visit them soon!

WHEN DID YOU TAKE THE EASY WAY?

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I don’t believe that there is an easy way. Or maybe I just grew up with not taking shortcuts or escaping the inevitable. Hard work pays off that’s what my parents have always taught me, and the rewards are more fulfilling.

For me, taking the easy way was when I gave in to my frustrations and snapped at people. Even when I push myself to become a better person – tolerant and understanding , there are just circumstances or people who bring out the worst in me. Blowing up in anger or venting out my frustrations on others when I could have been more understanding, more loving and more considerate is taking the easy way. There are things I’ve said and done which I am not proud of, and I hope that as the years progress I don’t make the same mistakes.

 

WHERE DID YOU EAT?

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I am so fortunate to work around the Katong area. Whatever craving I may have it is just a walk or not more than four bus stops away from my office. There’s the Korean restaurant – I just cross the street and I can get my fill of bibimbap or tteokbokki. Not to mention two ice cream cafes that’s a mere ten minute walk from the office. A great selection of Western, India, Penang, Hong Kong,Japanese, Filipino and local Singapore cuisine and of course the  famous Katong Laksa. There’s Awfully Chocolate, and a ramen place at the newly opened Katong 112.

Not to mention Arnold’s Chicken at City Plaza in Paya Lebar – the most sinful fried chicken I ever tasted. Four bus stops away from my office is the Old Airport Road Food Centre – for the best bean curd and a wide array of affordable yet delicious food! I go there  for the pasta!

My good friend C brought me to a restaurant at Novena that serves Penang food, and I fell in love with Penang Laksa. So hearty and the right blend of spicy and sour, just thinking about it makes me drool!

WHICH BLOGS DID YOU ENJOY THE MOST?

I enjoyed a lot of blogs but here are the blogs that I keep frequenting the whole year of 2011 – so much inspiration!

Mr. Kate

iHanna

A Beautiful Mess

Oh My Handmade

Awkward and Beautiful

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WHEN DID YOU CELEBRATE?

There were a lot of things to celebrate about, but my birthday celebration was the most memorable for me. It was the first time planning for my own birthday party – it was a lot of stress but I was happy. There were friends who helped me plan it and friends who made the atmosphere so fun that there wasn’t a dull moment.

I invited those who were very close to my heart and to have them there on my special day made me feel so blessed and loved.

Yay! I’m almost done with Reverb 2011 ~ Thank you for staying tuned!

[ r e v e r b ] Excavation Ahead

“People travel to wonder at the height of mountains,
at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rivers,
at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of
the stars; and they pass by themselves without wondering.”
St. Augustine

There are good things and bad things that I have discovered about myself. As much as I am always trying to be a better person, there are moments when in my anger or frustration I snap saying or doing things that I will regret.

I am not patient as I would like to be. And my capacity to understand and be tolerant has its limits. I could endure for a period of time but when I’ve reached my limit, my reactions tend to be ugly.

On the plus side I am thankful that I have opened up more to people. Having an almost nomadic lifestyle has made me a guarded person. Believing that all things are fleeting and moments never last, I didn’t see the need to cultivate friendships. This year I am more trusting and open to people. Even if this also means I am more vulnerable to getting hurt, I am not that scared anymore.

Discovering things about myself is like mining for precious stones – most days I get crap but there are days when I find a gem in my hands.

[ r e v e r b ] Matters of the Heart and Mind

I am on a roll with the Reverb 2011 posts, mainly because I want to finish at least ONE blogging project!

WHAT DID YOU ACCOMPLISH?

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performing at a talent show. writing two short stories. pulling off my own birthday party celebration. getting a full-time job. playing with analogue cameras. writing a script for a drama that was well-received. watching a musical. scoring tickets for dance performances and concerts. getting to volunteer at Singapore Writer’s Festival. starting the LetterBox Project. having photography gigs. sending off lots of packages for swap-bot. winning for the extraordinary challenge.

WHEN WERE YOU THE MOST GRATEFUL?

I am having problems with the superlative word “MOST” probably because I can’t pinpoint the time that I was MOST GRATEFUL this 2011.

I was grateful when my Permanent Resident Status renewal was approved.

I was grateful to volunteer at the Singapore Writers Festival.

I was grateful for the opportunity to represent my department at the talent show.

I was grateful when I met and talked to F. Sionil Jose.

I was grateful for the chance to watch performances like Lion King the Musical, Cirque d’ Eloise, and Alp Bora.

I was grateful to my friends who made my birthday party possible.

I was grateful to plan and host the department’s Christmas party.

I was grateful for the opportunity to write the script for the GLO Drama.

I was grateful to become the Assistant Team Manager for the Greenades during the Extraordinary Challenge.

I was super grateful when our team won.

I am grateful for the new friends that I made.

I am grateful for friends who have stuck with me.

I am grateful for my awesome job.

There are a lot of things that I am grateful for, and I can only say that at whatever point in my life, I am always MOST grateful that I am alive.

WHO TOUCHED YOUR HEART?

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Samantha. Clarisse. Raisa. Esther. Pauline. Manfen. Santy. Alfred. Hui Yan. Joey. Angie. Shawwn. Kimberly. Caiwen. Seow Shi. Alicia. Vivian. Shirley. Joey (another Joey!). Jourden. Zihao. Celine. Jessica. Christine. Xiao Ping. Barbie. Shin Ae. Andy. Li Lyn. Loewe. Deborah. Anna. Carisse. Fia. Family.

WHERE DID YOU VISIT?

Universal Studios Singapore. National Museum of Singapore. Sentosa. Changi Airport. SUNTEC. Singapore Art Museum. Singapore Management University. The ArtScience Museum. Katong. Jurong Point. Marina Bay Sands.

These are the places I went to have rehearsals, have fun, learn more about art, meet people and eat and eat and eat. I had more chances to visit museums – which is something that I want to replicate in the next year!

WHEN DID YOU CRY?

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Lion King the Musical. Alp Bora. the last two episodes of  步步惊心 . my quarrel with S (this was the chest-tightening kind). after I messed up my performance at the talent show. when I was frustrated. when in meditation and prayer. when watching sad news.

As my friends always say, I am emotionally rich which basically means I feel too much. I noticed that as I grew older it has become easier for me to cry along in movies or dramas, and even be moved by musical performances that I am reduced to tears afterwards. I attribute it to getting older – as I go through more circumstances and gain experiences, it is easier for me to draw the same emotions that an actor or piece of work wants to convey. Tears are my outlet when I am frustrated because they’re not destructive. I would love to diffuse my anger through Hollywood’s smashing-plates-on-walls  tactic, but I don’t have the luxury of a clean-up crew.

WHERE DID YOU SPEND YOUR TIME?

Libraries, cafes, museums, my church and my workplace are the places I spent most of my time with aside from home. Though this year will probably be the year I spent lesser time at home, I spent most of my year on buses, trains and cabs going from one place to another. This is the year that I became more adept at traveling around Singapore.

Bras Basah MRT Station has been like my second home – during the Singapore Writers Festival, rehearsing for the GLO Drama, meeting for the Extraordinary Challenge. It was also the MRT station that brought me to the museums and favourite haunts like Cat Socrates.

Next year, I hope to spend more time at home. To tinker with my crafting stuff, to write more and to just rest a whole lot more!

[note: images are my own unless a source is indicated. please do credit images correctly. also, if I failed to properly credit an image source please do inform me.]

[ r e v e r b ] Tiny Questions

This is my second batch post on Reverb 2011, I am freewriting all the way through, editing just the grammar and spelling. I take a few moments to gather my thoughts then dive into writing:

WHO SURPRISED YOU?

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This was a tough question… and I really took a looooongggg time to write down my thoughts. I was pleasantly surprised by a few people yet there were also times when I was met with disheartening disappointments. It’s not easy when that happens because of the emotional attachment that I tend to strongly form with friends.

There are people in my life, that I am sorry to say I have given up hope on. Resigning myself to the idea that their behaviour patterns have already been set, and there was no use to talk things out or make them see reason. Sometimes however, there’s a glimmer of light and they will do things that are opposite from their expected behaviour.

While there were people who I thought that I couldn’t get close with, but they ended up caring more for me than I thought, and have made me smile more than I expected.

Expect the unexpected. Let people surprise you.

Or as was said by a toy solider at the Christmas drama I watched, “Don’t judge a toy by its box”.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN?

This year I learned more about myself and how I relate to others.  There’s always an incident that will increase my self-awareness. I think this year has been about reacquainting with myself more than any other year.

In more practical situations, I learned how to shoot with analogue cameras, perfect my tuna curry rice recipe, eat with chopsticks (!),  and let embarrassing moments slide, after all this was the year where I fell face flat while alighting from a bus, managed to forget the lyrics and chords to my song during a performance at my company’s talent show, and a whole lot of other cringe-inducing moments that I would rather not divulge.

WHEN DID YOU FEEL MOST RELAXED?

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I always feel most relaxed at home – whether I am writing, reading, crafting, playing my guitar, or just looking at all my favourite things, my little space at home always makes me feel that everything is right with the world.

WHERE DID YOU LEAVE A MARK?

Another tough question because I have totally no idea what is considered as “leaving a mark” unless I did something Mother Teresa-esque, or Steve Jobs-esque. I know I don’t have the resources nor a very big heart to make a big impact but I hope in one way or another I have inspired confidence in my friends, encouraged them when they least expected it, or just made them laugh.

I’m usually known as  the mood-maker or the entertainer among my friends, I like to make people comfortable. Making people laugh through my gags or witticisms is what I am proud to be great at. Even if I can’t touch the whole world, I just want to make my family and friends’ days brighter.

WHAT MOVIES DID YOU SEE?

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I am so hard-pressed to list down the movies I actually watched at the cinema, most of the movies I watched were watched at home at the comfort of my own bed – especially the times when I was sick. I managed to watch a few on my list like Norwegian Wood, Bridesmaids, The Man from Nowhere, Mother, and some that were not on my list like Green Lantern, Rango, Flipped, Finding Mr. Destiny. There were  a lot of rom-coms and action movies, but most of all I rewatched a lot of my favourite rom-coms like Love Actually, Sweet Home Alabama, While You Were Sleeping, Mrs. Winterbourne, 10 Things I Hate About You, Never Been Kissed, 50 First Dates and then some.  These movies were my go-to movies when I felt really suck-y about life in general.

There you go! I have sixteen more questions to answer for Reverb 2011! I will finish this well!

[ r e v e r b ] A Merry Christmas!

 

Happy Christmas everyone!

I hope the Fatty …erm,..Festive Season has brought great cheer (or in my case lots of pounds!) to everybody. There were a lot of things that I have been busy with that I couldn’t really continue blogging Reverb 2011.  But here I am trying to finish well.

WHO WAS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

Aside from my family, my different circle of friends have always been close to my heart. From my cellgroup family, my subzone chums and even ex-colleagues, also not to mention my fan girlfriends – occupy their respective (and revolving) space in my heart. But I think the person I cherished most of all this year was myself.

As someone who suffers from Wonder Woman Syndrome, the need to focus on meeting other people’s needs always takes a toll on me. I get burned out and sometimes resentful. This year was no different, but slowly I have learned to look for warning signs and to say “NO”. There were some hard truths I had to face, like I can’t always be there for everybody and that I am just one person. I think that this year I have learned more about boundaries I can cross and boundaries that are drawn for my own well-being.

WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO REMEMBER?

I hope to remember that I am a strong person. I hope to remember the kindness of others, and the opportunities that were opened to me. I hope to remember that I am strong and resilient. I hope to remember all the times that God has shown His love and mercy towards me. I hope to remember the times that I laughed and even the times that I cried – because of these experiences I grew into a better person.

WHERE DID YOU SPEND MONEY?

Cab fares – which is actually a testament of how busy I was. Cab fares aside, I spent most of my money for creative ventures. Like buying supplies and equipment. I am most proud of checking off items in my wishlist, I feel more of an adult.

That said, I also spent my money on presents and eating out. Building relationships is something that I am most concerned with, aside from the gift of time, I also like to share a meal with my friends or make something for them. For me, there’s nothing more fulfilling than being generous to others.

WHEN WERE YOU MOST SCARED?

I am bad at remembering negative stuff, so this question took me time to answer. The moment that I was most scared would be the time when I was renewing my Permanent Resident status, and the Immigration people asked me for extra documentation. This scared me because among my family members, I was the only they asked for extra documents. I didn’t want to lose my PR status or leave Singapore. My mind was restless for weeks, and I kept praying for something positive. Thankfully, it was renewed, although it may seem like nothing now, but I was seriously thinking of how I can remain in Singapore once my PR status is revoked!

WHAT QUESTIONS DID YOU ASK?

Questions about the direction my life is headed. Questioning my priorities. Questioning my previous decisions. I think I grappled with more questions about my future more than anything else. This year I didn’t manage to keep a regular journal so my thought processes were not really organized. There were moments when I just shut down the probing questions that I knew would reveal painful answers.

 

Have a Merry Christmas everyone!

[ r e v e r b ] Wrestling with Myself

Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.

- Oprah Winfrey

Struggling ~ I felt more like someone having birth pains. There were so many things that I struggled with.

STRUGGLING WITH…TRYING TO BALANCE

This year I was privileged, blessed and given so much opportunities to be creative and to meet people! The two most wonderful activities in the world for me! But I had a hard time balancing everything. More than once I found  what I thought was a free week suddenly become bursting with plans, or  I had no time to even jot down my appointments or worse, I found myself double-booked. Being forced to make difficult decisions revealed my priorities though but in my eagerness to be there for everybody I was also -

STRUGGLING WITH… DEFINING WHO I AM

Those who know me well, know that I have a lot of hobbies and I am interested in many things. Plus my brain can retain more nonsense information. I love to read, write, craft, doodle, sing, play the guitar, eat, go to museums and bookstores, cafes and fleas. I am very active in my faith and in my Church. I love to write snail mail and take photos using analog cameras. I watch anime, Korean, Taiwanese and Japanese dramas, SNL, Community, Big Bang Theory. I read manga, SCI-FI, poetry, basically if it’s printed in English I will devour it. I listen to different genres of Korean, Taiwanese, Japanese music even American hiphop. It’s hard to define who I am because I have been so open to everything – that everything that I touch becomes a part of me. I keep reading articles on image building  and having the integrity to keep that image when I know myself to be a chameleon. The values that I esteem – faith, family, love, honesty, creative self-expression, integrity are still intact but my interests are as varied it comes. Being active in so many circles, doing different things, I am prone to -

STRUGGLING WITH…MAPPING OUT MY DREAMS
Sometimes I discover that I am good at one thing then I focus on it ~ but realize in the end that even if I am GOOD at one thing it doesn’t mean that I am meant to do that. This was something I learned in my previous line of work providing technical support and customer service to irate customers. I was good at it – I even had awards to prove it, but I was still miserable and feeling unfulfilled.

My dreams change not constantly, but more like glaciers, so slowly that I don’t know where I am headed. The good thing with being in the “trying to figure it out” mode is that there is always a chance to experiment and try new things. The downside is that I always feel like I am wasting time dabbling here and there.
I hope that 2012 will be less chaotic ~ I think that struggle in some ways is good. There’s always a part of me growing and moving forward. I just have to cultivate the right attitude about it.

What was your struggle this year? Join me for REVERB11!

[ r e v e r b ] Bibliophiliac Hiatus

This year was a more whirlwind like – I always griped about the lack of time. I didn’t have enough time to relax and indulge in my most favourite hobby – reading books. With that said, I know I have read at least around ten works of fiction this year but here are the top two- because these two are the ones that I find so beautiful:

THE HELP by Kathryn Stockett : Read this before the movie came out. I am not familiar with American history especially about slavery in the South. So I would just like to say that the writing moved me.

THE BOOK THIEF by  Markus Zusak : This is a very, very, very beautiful book. I don’t regret reading this based on the reblogs I see on tumblr. Here’s a quote from the book:

 

The words were on their way, and when they arrived, she would hold them in her hands like the clouds, and she would wring them out like the rain.

[ r e v e r b ] Hello Stranger!

This is my second post for REVERB 2011.  As I said in the previous post, I am joining  Kaileen Elise’s REVERB 2011. I just want to tag along rather than host my own.

My first post probably gave you a case of the ZZZzzs and you would have been turned off by my lackluster writing, so if you’re still here to stick around, a million thanks to you!

This year was the year that I got around.

Aside from the Letter Box Project that has made me in contact with a lot of people from all over the world, I was constantly challenging myself to go out of my comfort zone.

Most of my close friends I have met through Church, I think suffice to say that 99% of my friends are either from my Church or were introduced to me by friends in my Church. This year has been no exception being involved in writing scripts for zone events and going for youth camps I met more young people, I feel the equivalent of a high school teacher. Somehow, I can still manage to relate with them – I think they think of me as the eccentric older sister.

My fangirl friends, they are the ones who bring a little “crazy” to my life. They probably won’t read this post because they are two busy career-driven hidden otakus but with them in my life I can have both intellectual and nonsensical identity crises conversations.

from SWF Facebook page

My foray into Singapore’s literary world finally happened when I signed up to volunteer for the Singapore Writers Festival 2011.The organizers were super helpful and really took care of us. In fact it was really cool that one of the organizers- Bev was the person I chatted up at a workshop a few months before. It was great seeing her again. The other volunteers were also cool to talk to and I was really surprised at how friendly everyone is. And  I actually managed to get a glimpse and interact with a few notable authors both local and foreign like Michael Chabon, Andrew Motion,Vikas Swarup, Ovidia Yu, Fredrik Haren, Troy Chin and others.

I was mistaken to think that I would never ever embarrass myself in a big way once I hit my 20s. Surely, I have accumulated enough embarrassing moments for not just one but a dozen lifetimes. But a fangirl is always a fangirl and whether it be a band or an author that I practically stalked EVERY SINGLE DAY during my uni days, when I met said author, I acted out of instinct. One of the most respected Filipino authors, F. Sionil Jose was one of the guests during the Singapore Writers Festival. I had already marked up my calendar to attend the panel where he was speaking and did not expect much. When I entered the Lee Ka Shing Library I was a bit early and imagine my excitement when I saw my idol sitting at one corner.

I don’t know what possessed me, but there I was in my frazzled and flip-flopped glory (I still bemoan my sartorial choice for that day) walked up to the living legend, struck out my hand and said, ” Hello Sir, I am a fan”. JUST. LIKE THAT. Looking back I wanted to die at how bold I was. Here was someone I could never be even if I was given a thousand years to try, here was the person I stalked almost every day for a year at the bookshop he owned in Manila just to get a glimpse of him. What came next was so surreal I still am in shock – he actually pulled up a chair and chatted with me. I was dumbfounded, and my heart was beating fast. If only my fellow stalker friends could see me now, chatting with my favourite author and his wife. I also got him to sign my book – the high that I felt was enough to last me a week.

This year was more about comfort zones and challenging myself to put myself out there and not hold back. I hope for the next year I will not just meet a lot of people but strike up great friendships as well.

[ r e v e r b ] Starting Points

December is upon us! Wow isn’t that fast?

Even if I wasn’t much of a blogger this year, I would like to finish well by joining REVERB 2011 basically there are 31 prompts for each day of December and I am going to post on these topics every single day. Yes, I am back to daily blogging!

The first prompt can be found below:

If we’re talking about physical space, I have always spent New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day with my family. Two years ago, during New Year’s Eve my family and I were busy moving a couple of blocks away to our new home. Since it was only a ten-minute walk from our old flat to the new one, we spent a few hours carting our stuff from the old flat to our new place. The NewYear found all of us tired but watching the Chinese action movies being shown at Channel U.

Last year, I had a mild panic attack when the New Year approached. My 2010 was one of the most awesome years of my life and I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to top it off, that 2011 will be a letdown. For a moment I thought of writing New Year’s Resolutions (which I have never done) but then I was so good at self-handicapping that I managed to even avoid writing down goals for the year. I was psyching myself for a mediocre year.

Looking back, that fear was unfounded. From where I started full of fear and doubt but this year turned out to be better than 2010. Of course this year there was more emotional rollercoaster rides and really dark moments, until now I am reconciling clashing ideologies that cause conflict within me.

I wish I started off well, that instead of going down to the dark place I should have encouraged myself and wrote goals. I wish I had lesser fear and lesser negative energy around me. I wish that I wasn’t so tired. But it’s all in the  past now, and I guess it made me self-aware.

I know that as the year draws to a close I will have the same feelings of panic and fear. But I hope I have learned my lesson, and learned it well.

PS: Gosh did I just blabber my way through a blog post, ,my apologies I have not written anything substantial in months, and my blogging mojo is not back yet. Please do bear with me.